One soldier commented:
The quietness was uncomfortable. Only a few hours ago I was in combat. A man died; he was sitting in the place I was supposed to be. It should have been me. Life ends so quickly. Now I’m safe and they are preparing him to go home. I have to let my family know I am okay if the news reports anything. But how do you call home after an event like that? How do I let them know I am okay without scaring them?
Some people share everything with their families. I think that is a mistake. It is not their role to live the trauma with you. They are trying to survive a different stress, and those descriptions only add to weight they must carry. It is equally true that you shouldn’t hide everything from them. After a while it will build such a barrier between you that nothing significant is shared.
There is an advantage in discussing the possibility of this type of experiences prior to deployment. The weeks leading up to deployment are stressful, and many couples elect to not discuss anything related to the approaching separation. They fear that it will only lead to argument and distance. This just illustrates how stress levels increase dramatically even before the loved one leaves. Most people do not understand that level of stress. These issues require a support group, someone to facilitate the emotional groundwork required to make it through the deployment.
The deployed soldier can compartmentalize the stress given the relative simplicity of deployed life. (After all, cooking and laundry are handled for you.) Families at home have a much different environment in which to survive. Despite the day’s traumatic events, milk and bread must still be purchased, dinner must be made, dishes and laundry must be tended to, children must be cleaned and fed and tucked in bed and then they struggle to get enough sleep to start it all over again the next day. This is done in communities that largely do not recognize them or the trial their families are going through. There is pitifully weak support in most of America for deployed families, and very few who understand the severity of the stress they endure.
Dear God, use the books like this one and Faith Deployed to raise awareness for the need to support the families of those serving in the armed forces in Iraq, Afghanistan, and elsewhere around the world.
“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayer.” (1 Peter 3:7)