She crossed her hands over the end of her parasol.
“That was how he took ill, of course. He lay there on the beach for hours, soaking and exhausted, before he had the strength to struggle home. Your father was no longer a young man. He was already in his fifties.”
“Fifty-six,” Eddie said blankly.
“Fifty-six,” the old woman repeated. “His body had been weakened, the ocean had left him vulnerable, pneumonia took hold of him, and in time, he died.”
“Because of Mickey?” Eddie said.
“Because of loyalty,” she said.
“People don’t die because of loyalty.”
“They don’t?” She smiled. “Religion? Government? Are we not loyal to such things, sometimes to the death?”
Eddie shrugged.
“Better,” she said, “to be loyal to one another.”
After that, the two of them remained in the snowy mountain valley for a long time. At least to Eddie it felt long. He wasn’t sure how long things took anymore.
“What happened to Mickey Shea?” Eddie said.
“He died, alone, a few years later,” the old woman said. “Drank his way to the grave. He never forgave himself for what happened.”
“But my old man,” Eddie said, rubbing his forehead. “He never said anything.”
“He never spoke of that night again, not to your mother, not to anyone else. He was ashamed for her, for Mickey, for himself. In the hospital, he stopped speaking altogether. Silence was his escape, but silence is rarely a refuge. His thoughts still haunted him.
“One night his breathing slowed and his eyes closed and he could not be awakened. The doctors said he had fallen into a coma.”
Eddie remembered that night. Another phone call to Mr. Nathanson. Another knock on his door.
“After that, your mother stayed by his bedside. Days and nights. She would moan to herself, softly, as if she were praying: ‘I should have done something. I should have done something.’
“Finally, one night, at the doctors’ urging, she went home to sleep. Early the next morning, a nurse found your father slumped halfway out the window.”
“Wait,” Eddie said. His eyes narrowed. “The window?”
Ruby nodded. “Sometime during the night, your father awakened. He rose from his bed, staggered across the room, and found the strength to raise the window sash. He called your mother’s name with what little voice he had, and he called yours, too, and your brother, Joe. And he called for Mickey. At that moment, it seemed, his heart was spilling out, all the guilt and regret. Perhaps he felt the light of death approaching. Perhaps he only knew you were all out there somewhere, in the streets beneath his window. He bent over the ledge. The night was chilly. The wind and damp, in his state, were too much. He was dead before dawn.
“The nurses who found him dragged him back to his bed. They were frightened for their jobs, so they never breathed a word. The story was he died in his sleep.”
Eddie fell back, stunned. He thought about that final image. His father, the tough old war horse, trying to crawl out a window. Where was he going? What was he thinking? Which was worse when left unexplained: a life, or a death?
How do you know all this?” Eddie asked Ruby.
She sighed. “Your father lacked the money for a hospital room of his own. So did the man on the other side of the curtain.”
She paused.
“Emile. My husband.”
Eddie lifted his eyes. His head moved back as if he’d just solved a puzzle.
“Then you saw my father.”
“Yes.”
“And my mother.”
“I heard her moaning on those lonely nights. We never spoke. But after your father’s death, I inquired about your family. When I learned where he had worked, I felt a stinging pain, as if I had lost a loved one myself. The pier that bore my name. I felt its cursed shadow, and I wished again that it had never been built.
“That wish followed me to heaven, even as I waited for you.”
Eddie looked confused.
“The diner?” she said. She pointed to the speck of light in the mountains. “It’s there because I wanted to return to my younger years, a simple but secure life. And I wanted all those who had ever suffered at Ruby Pier—every accident, every fire, every fight, slip, and fall—to be safe and secure. I wanted them all like I wanted my Emile, warm, well fed, in the cradle of a welcoming place, far from the sea.”
Ruby stood, and Eddie stood, too. He could not stop thinking about his father’s death.
“I hated him,” he mumbled.
The old woman nodded.
“He was hell on me as a kid. And he was worse when I got older.”
Ruby stepped toward him. “Edward,” she said softly. It was the first time she had called him by name. “Learn this from me. Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves.
“Forgive, Edward. Forgive. Do you remember the lightness you felt when you first arrived in heaven?”
Eddie did. Where is my pain?
“That’s because no one is born with anger. And when we die, the soul is freed of it. But now, here, in order to move on, you must understand why you felt what you did, and why you no longer need to feel it.”
She touched his hand.
“You need to forgive your father.”
Eddie thought about the years that followed his father’s funeral. How he never achieved anything, how he never went anywhere. For all that time, Eddie had imagined a certain life—a “could have been” life—that would have been his if not for his father’s death and his mother’s subsequent collapse. Over the years, he glorified that imaginary life and held his father accountable for all of its losses: the loss of freedom, the loss of career, the loss of hope. He never rose above the dirty, tiresome work his father had left behind.
“When he died,” Eddie said, “he took part of me with him. I was stuck after that.”
Ruby shook her head, “Your father is not the reason you never left the pier.”
Eddie looked up. “Then what is?”