I had no idea that I would be meeting with Prince Kung for the last time. It was a gloomy overcast day in May 1898 when I received his invitation. Although he had been ill, he was a man of robust health and spirits, and everyone expected him to recover. When I arrived at his bedside, I was taken aback by his condition and knew instantly that his life was coming to an end.
"I hope you don't mind that the dying fish keeps making bubbles," Prince Kung said in a weak voice.
I asked if he would like me to bring the Emperor.
Prince Kung shook his head and closed his eyes to gather energy.
I looked around. There were cups, bowls, spittoons and basins arranged around the bed. The smell of herbal medicine in the room was unpleasant.
Prince Kung tried to sit up, but he no longer had the strength. "Sixth brother," I said, helping him up, "you shouldn't have hidden your condition."
"It's Heaven's will, sister-in-law," Prince Kung gasped. "I am glad I caught you in time."
He raised his right hand and stuck up two trembling fingers.
I drew closer.
"First, I am sorry for Tung Chih's death." Remorse filled Prince Kung's voice. "I know how you suffered… I apologize. My son Tsai-chen deserved his end."
"Stop it, sixth brother." Tears came to my eyes.
"I never forgave Tsai-chen, and he knew it," Prince Kung said.
But it was himself he wouldn't forgive. I never had the heart to ask how Prince Kung got through the days after his son died.
"Pity the hearts of parents," I said, passing him a towel.
"I owed much to Hsien Feng." Prince Kung wiped his face with the towel. "I failed in my duty. I let Tung Chih down, and now I have to quit on Guang-hsu."
"You didn't owe Hsien Feng anything. He wrote you out of his will. If there was any duty regarding how to raise and influence Tung Chih, Hsien Feng left the power to Su Shun and his gang."
Prince Kung had to agree with what I said, although he had chosen to believe that it was Su Shun, and not his brother, who manipulated the Imperial will.
Exhausted, he closed his eyes again as if going to sleep. Looking at the prince's sallow face, I remembered the days when he was strong, handsome and full of zest. His dreams for China were great, and so was his talent. Once I had even fantasized that I had married him instead of Emperor Hsien Feng.
I suppose I had always believed that Kung would have made a better emperor. He should have been given the throne-and would have been but for the wiles of Hsien Feng's grand tutor, who counseled his student to pretend compassion toward the animals of the autumn hunt. Prince Kung outcompeted all his brothers that day, but his father was moved by the younger son's heart. It was a misfortune for the country that the crown went to Hsien Feng. And misfortune bred misfortune.
I wondered whether Prince Kung resented living in the shadow of Hsien Feng, knowing that he had been betrayed.
"If you have a question, you'd better ask before it is too late," Prince Kung said when he opened his eyes again.
The thought of losing him was unbearable. "I don't think you want to know the question I have," I said. "I don't think it is even decent for me to ask."
"Orchid, we have been each other's best friend and worst curse." Prince Kung smiled. "What more can come between us?"
So I asked if he resented his father's unfairness and his brother's theft of the kingdom.
"If I had any resentment, my own guilt took away the sting," he replied. "Do you remember September of 1861?"
"The month Hsien Feng died?"
"Yes. Remember the deal we made? It was a good deal, wasn't it?"
Back then, when we were in our twenties, we didn't know that we were making history. Prince Kung found out that he had been written out of Hsien Feng's will. He was left helpless for Su Shun to slaughter. And I faced the possibility of being buried alive, to accompany my husband on his journey to the next life.
"Su Shun had both of us in a corner," I said.
"Was it you or I who first came up with the idea of lending each other the legitimacy?" he asked.
"I can't recall. I only remember that we had no option but to help each other."
"It was you who drafted my appointment as Su Shun's replacement," Prince Kung said.
"Did I?"
"Yes. It was audacious-and unthinkable."
"You deserved the title," I said softly. "It should have been Heaven's will in the first place."
"I am guilty because it wasn't what my father and my brother Hsien Feng intended."
"The dynasty wouldn't be where it is without you," I insisted.
"In that case, I'd like to thank you for the opportunity, Orchid."
"You are a good partner, although you can be difficult."
"Can you forgive me for Tung Chih's death?"
"You loved him, Kung, and that is what I will remember."
The second thing Prince Kung wanted was my promise to continue to honor Robert Hart, a man he had worked with closely over the years.
"He is the most precious connection China will ever have. Our future place in the world depends on his help." Kung was sure that the court would not follow his instructions once he died. "I am afraid that they will drive Robert Hart away."
"I will see that Li Hung-chang follows your path," I promised.
"I couldn't get the court to grant Hart a private audience," Prince Kung said. "Will you receive him?"
"Does his rank allow me?"
"His rank is high enough, but he is not Chinese," Kung said bitterly. "The ministers are jealous of him because I relied on him for so much. He is resented not because he is English, but because he can't be bought."
Prince Kung and I both wished that we had more men of Robert Hart's character.
"I heard that he was honored in England by the Queen. Is that true?" I asked.
Prince Kung nodded. "The Queen made him a knight, but she cares far more about Hart's achievement in opening China for England than his rank."
"I will never take Robert Hart for granted," I promised.
"Hart loves China. He has been tolerant and has put up with the court's disrespect. I fear that his patience will soon run out and he will quit. China is absolutely dependent on Hart's leadership. We would lose a third of our customs revenue, and… our dynasty…"
I did not know how to carry on Prince Kung's work. I had no way to communicate with Robert Hart, nor was I confident of convincing the court of his vital importance.
"I can't do it without you, sixth brother." I wept.
Kung's doctor hovered nearby and told me that I'd better leave.
The prince looked relieved when he waved goodbye to me.
I returned the next day and was told that Prince Kung had been drifting in and out of consciousness. A few days later he went into a coma.
On May 22, he died.
I helped to arrange a simple funeral for Prince Kung, as he had requested. The throne personally notified Robert Hart of his friend's passing.
It was hard for me to let go of Prince Kung. The day after his burial, I dreamed of his return. He was with Hsien Feng. Both men looked to be twenty again. Prince Kung wore purple, and my husband was dressed in his white satin robe.
"To live is to experience dying and is worse than death," my husband said in his usual depressed tone.
"True," Prince Kung said, "but 'living death' can also be interpreted as 'spiritual wealth.'"
I followed them in my nightgown as they talked to each other. I understood the words, but not their meanings.
"The understanding of suffering enables the sufferer to walk on the path of immortality," my husband went on. "Immortality means the ability to bear the unbearable."
Prince Kung agreed. "Only after experiencing death can one understand the pleasure of living."
Still in the realm of dreams, I interrupted them. "But there is no pleasure in my living. To live means only to die over and over. The pain has become impossible to bear. It is like a continuous punishment, a lingering death."
"Dying over and over gives you the rapture of being alive," my husband said.
Before I could argue, both men faded. In their place I saw a very old woman squatting on her heels in the corner of a large, dark room. It was myself. I was in servant's clothes and I looked sick. My body had shrunk to the size of a child. My skin was deeply wrinkled and my hair gray and white.