Weiwei, my family friend, is a famous Beijing slacker. With a father who is a renowned linguist and a mother who is a painter, he is witty and knowledgeable about everything from world politics and the latest model of BMW, to the most recent screening on the Discovery Channel. But Weiwei has never had a real job. Lately, he has been living off his savings.
I get him a temporary job. My friend, a Chinese American guy named Jerry, has just come to town. It's Jerry's first time in Asia and he is undecided about which city to live in. It all depends on the women. He is willing to pay 5,000 RMB – about $600 – as a consulting fee to get an overview of women from different parts of China. Weiwei had so many girlfriends that he is perfect for this role, so I arrange for them to meet over dinner.
I invite my Hong Kong friend CC, who also needs an understanding of Chinese women, from a competitor's point of view. CC can't understand what makes Chinese women so good that her English boyfriend would dump her in favor of them.
Weiwei holds court. " Beijing girls tend to be direct, independent, and the most knowledgeable about arts and sports, like Niuniu," he says. "At the same time, they are arrogant and ambitious. Because many of them come from well-to-do families, they always have a bit of attitude and are not easily impressed. And don't expect them to cook well either."
"I'm not a bad cook!" I want to protest but manage to hold my tongue. After all, Weiwei is here to sell stereotypes. Why bother to disagree? Weiwei continues: "One advantage of Beijing girls is that compared to the skinny southern girls, they have breasts. Most of the girls from the northeast, Shandong Province or even Korea, all have good-sized breasts like actress Gong Li."
"What is the biggest problem with Beijing girls?" Jerry asks.
"They swear," Weiwei says.
I shrug. I can't deny this. I swear, and even worse, I enjoy it.
"Tell us about Sichuan girls," CC asks Weiwei. "The movie star, Liu Xiaoqing, who was recently put in jail, is a Sichuan woman. Bai Ling is doing well in Hollywood at the moment and she's from Sichuan. The author who wrote Wild Swans is pretty big in England. I heard she is from Sichuan as well."
I know CC is thinking of the Sichuan woman Little Fang, for whom Nick dumped her.
" Sichuan women are beautiful, with nice soft skin and delicate facial features," Weiwei replies. "They are hard-working and down-to-earth. You won't find Beijing girls' arrogance in them. But because they eat spicy stuff, they have a hot temper."
"Korean women are pretty hot-tempered," says Jerry. "I dated one back in L.A. – I didn't know it had anything to do with the food they eat. What about Hunan girls? They eat spicy food too."
" Hunan girls are very much like Sichuan girls, but even more emotionally charged," says Weiwei.
"But girls in general are emotional," CC says.
"Not Shanghai girls," says Weiwei. "They are extremely clever and always keep control of their feelings in order to get what they want. They have the power to make their men wash their underwear and, at the same time, hand over their salaries."
"I was told there are a lot of materialistic girls in Shanghai," says CC, who still bears a grudge against the waitress at Shanghai 's Portman Hotel that she and Nick fought over.
"Yes, there are, but they' re not as expensive as Hong Kong girls, who are high-maintenance," says Weiwei, ignorant of CC's origins.
CC is offended. "I'm from Hong Kong. I chose to date a poor Englishman when my folks wanted me to marry a wealthy Hong Kong man."
Weiwei ignores the comment.
"What about Guangdong women?" I ask.
" Guangdong women are more traditional than women in other parts of China," says Weiwei. "They believe in serving their men and their kids."
"No, my mother is from Guangdong," Jerry jumps in.
"Which women are you most attracted to?" I ask.
"I want to date them all," says Jerry with relish.
"Then you have to live in Shenzhen, where the most beautiful women flock to in order to meet men." Weiwei has given his verdict, and the court is closed.