When Sarah had woken that Sunday morning, she'd been instantly, uncomfortably aware that she had not slept well. She rarely did after a big event, and Ashlyn's wedding was definitely that. Her head tended to take a while to stop seeing table plans, floral arrangements and potentially inefficient staff. But this morning she had an extra reason to feel as if she'd been up all night – Hugo.
She'd gone off to sleep all right but then she'd kept waking up. It was nothing to do with the room. It might have been tiny, but it was a good hotel: the sheets were silky, the towels were fluffy and the mattress was just right. No, it was what nearly happened that disturbed her.
She really shouldn't have let Hugo kiss her. The drink and the dance were all right. That would have been fine. But it should have stopped there.
As it was still only seven o'clock when she woke, she turned on her back and considered why it had happened. She sighed. It didn't take much brainpower to work it out. Hugo was extremely attractive, and she had been tired, a tiny bit drunk and forgot to be her usual professional self. She and Hugo had worked so well together up until now, it would be an awful shame if she'd spoilt it by getting carried away by the moment.
She gave a shuddering sigh, forcing her mind away from those lovely kisses, hoping they weren't addictive and that she could go back to her everyday, sensible life without difficulty. She sat up and rubbed her eyes. Of course she could! She wasn't in love with him, after all, and as long as she never let it happen again, she'd be fine.
Inevitably her mind went back to Bruce, the man she'd thought was the love of her life. She saw him at the first Freshers' do at university and thought he was the most attractive boy she had ever seen apart from on a movie screen. Somehow, magically, Bruce had seen her too and was attracted to the quieter, more sensible girl she was, rather than the giddy hordes of excited teenagers around her. They had become a couple almost immediately. She'd fallen head over heels in love with him and they'd planned their future together: where they'd live, how many children they'd have and how they'd be celebrating their Golden Wedding anniversary still very much in love. She'd trusted Bruce implicitly. And although every girl on campus fancied the pants off him, it was to Sarah's side he was glued.
Until he wasn't. Walking into his flat to find the love of her life in bed with another girl had knocked her so badly she had sworn she would never make herself a hostage to love again. It had felt as if her heart had been ripped out -a man she'd thought she would spend the rest of her life with had betrayed her, cruelly. It was not as if she hadn't had enough to cope with, either. Her mother had died shortly before she went to university, she needed to keep an eye out for her father, and, of course, there was Lily, her younger and very vulnerable sister. Working through heartbreak at the same time as doing her college work and supporting her grieving family had been utter hell. If it hadn't been for her family and her friends she didn't know how she would have survived. She had vowed to herself that she would never take that risk, ever again. Not even after all this time. After all, she had a business to run now,and Lily still needed her big sister. And she owed it to herself.
She shook herself out of her remembered pain. Kissing Hugo had been lovely, she had to admit, but she couldn't afford to let it go any further. Anyway, he probably hadn't given it another thought; she'd heard the odd rumour about him, after all. She resolved to put it firmly behind her. And at least they hadn't arranged to have breakfast together or anything ghastly like that, she thought as she picked up the phone and asked if she could have some toast in her room. Thanking goodness for posh hotels with high standards of room service, she was driving away within twenty minutes, keen to get home where life was ordinary and normal.
Not quite as normal as all that; her sister was sitting on the doorstep. Four years younger than Sarah, Lily had the air of a schoolgirl dressed in adult clothes, except that the clothes weren't all that adult, consisting of, in this instance, a baby-doll pyjama top over a pair of pink jeans studded with diamantè. Her blonde hair was caught up here and there with sparkly clips and more pink and diamond beads circled her neck and wrists. She could have been a tall six year-old at a dressing-up party. She looked, thought Sarah, divinely pretty and a little unhinged. Not for the first time, Sarah marvelled how two sisters could be so different.
Lily was clutching a carrier bag and looking sheepish and excited at the same time. She leapt to her feet when she saw her sister.
‘Sares! Why did you have your phone off? And where have you been? Not with a man, surely?'
‘Hello.' Fondly, Sarah enfolded her sister in her arms, thinking, as she always did, how tiny she was and choosing to ignore her teasing. 'What are you doing out of bed at this hour? A bit unheard-of, isn't it?’
'Sarah! I'm a grown-up now. Please let us in, I'm dying for the loo. And I've got such an ace plan!’
Sarah laughed. 'Keep your legs crossed while I unlock the door then. Here, you'd better take the flat key. I've got stuff to unload from the car.’
Sarah's flat was on the first floor of a very nice converted chapel. It had everything she needed: one big bedroom she used as an office; a smaller second bedroom where she slept; and a large living room with a kitchen at one end where she did everything else. The bathroom was small but for a single person it was more than adequate. Sarah loved it.
By the time she had unloaded the car, Lily had used the bathroom and was rummaging through Sarah's cupboards for breakfast cereal.
‘Sarah! You've got such healthy eating habits! Haven't you got anything here with any sugar in it?'
‘Here, try this. It's got dried berries. It looks pretty and if you don't think it's sweet enough you can always add sugar. Tea or coffee?'
‘Tea please! Oh.' Lily put down the empty milk carton she had just upended. 'Have I used the last of the milk?'
‘Yup, but don't worry. I want coffee and I want it black.'
‘I'll have a fruit tea then.' Lily shovelled a spoon of cereal into her mouth, getting a bit of milk on her chin. 'I've got such good news! I wish you'd sit down.’
Sarah was making coffee, rinsing out her thermos flask that she always took with her to weddings, filled with an emergency supply of peppermint tea, and generally settling back home. However, as she had once complained that Lily danced around the place like an animated children's illustration, she took the point and seated herself next to her sister at the breakfast bar. Lily was now drinking the last of the milk from her cereal bowl.
‘If it's that good, why haven't you told me already? Why have breakfast first?'
‘Because I need to have you calm and sitting down.' Lily patted Sarah's hand and got up.
‘I am calm and I'm sitting down. Unlike you.’
Lily laughed. 'Those stools are so uncomfortable.' She went into the sitting part of the room and bounced on to the sofa. 'Oh Sarah, I can't believe it. I'm so happy!’
Sarah was used to Lily's sudden bursts of energy, so this emotion wasn't instantly transferable. She got up more slowly and followed her sister to the sofa. 'Great!' She tried to match her sister's enthusiasm. 'Why?'
‘I'm engaged! We're engaged, I mean, Dirk and me.’
Sarah put down her coffee mug and flung her arms round Lily's neck, this time with genuine fervour. 'Oh, Lily! That's brilliant. I'm so happy for you.' She hadn't met Dirk often but he'd struck her as just the sort of steady young man Lily needed in her life.
‘I can't believe how happy I am!' said Lily, beaming at Sarah.
Sarah sat back and thought for a moment. She didn't want to upset Lily but she felt she had to bring it up. The older sister part of her that she tried (and sometimes failed) to control said, 'I hate to say this, but are you sure this time? We have been here before.’
Lily got up from the sofa. 'I knew you'd be worried, but it's not like last time, I promise you. Dirk is kind and caring – not at all like Rex.' She turned to her sister who was struggling to keep the concern from her face. 'What I did with him was silly and childish. We shouldn't have run away like that and you were right about him being a pig. But I know it's different this time. I can feel it.’
Sarah managed a smile. Watching her sister's heartbreak had been only marginally easier than suffering her own. Neither of them had been particularly lucky in love, she thought ruefully.
‘Honestly, Sares, it's not at all like before. We're not eloping. We're having a proper wedding, and I want you to organise it.’
Lily said this with an expansive sweep of her arms, as if she were conferring a great favour on her sister, forgetting that planning weddings was her job. And while Sarah wouldn't have dreamt of accepting money for doing it, even if Lily had dreamt of offering it, it would take up a lot of time. But she realised that Lily was asking for her approval, as well as her help; having Sarah arrange the wedding would be like her conferring her blessing. Lily had always looked up to Sarah, and since their mother's death and their father's remarriage, Sarah had been more like a mother to her than a sister. And Sarah felt very protective towards her baby sister.
She took a deep breath and brushed aside any misgivings she might have: after all, Dirk was nothing like Rex. 'Of course I'll help you,' she said. 'I'll tell you anything you need to know, but I'm not sure I'll have time to actually organise it all.'
‘You won't need to do much!' More arm flinging from Lily. 'We're going to a wedding fair. We can find out everything we need there!’
Sarah was tired, in spite of the strong coffee, and she started to laugh. Trust her darling sister to think that all you needed was a few brochures and some free samples. All her experience and knowledge were as nothing to a huge and crowded event where myriad people tried to sell you things – mostly things you didn't want. But this was just like Lily and it was always easier to give in. 'When are we going to this fair?'
‘Now. It's today. That's why I had to come round so early.'
‘I have got a lot-'
‘Oh, don't be such a spoilsport! You're always so boring!' Lily bounced up and settled nearer her sister, and took hold of her arm.
Suspecting that Lily wasn't the only person who felt this, and Hugo coming sharply to mind, Sarah sighed. 'OK, OK, I'll come. Where is it?'
‘Never mind that. Before we go anywhere I thought I'd show you this.' Lily found her carrier bag and took from it a faintly familiar scrapbook.
‘My goodness! I can't believe you've still got that,' said Sarah. 'You used to cut out pictures from magazines and all your old birthday cards, and little notes from your friends.'
‘I stopped doing that when I was ten,' announced Lily proudly. 'This is a new one.' She opened the scrapbook somewhere in the middle and plonked, it on Sarah's knees. 'Start there.’
Sarah began to turn the pages. There were pages and pages of wedding dresses, beautiful designer gowns from the sleekest silk sheath with sequins at the hem to dresses with skirts made entirely from frills – tiny ones at the top round the bottom of the bodice getting larger as they reached the ground. Sarah looked more closely. This particular one had spangles round the edge of each frill. She was well used to wedding dresses, and knew the magazines these fantastic creations had been cut from. What made her stare was the fact that her sister had cut out her own face from photographs and stuck it over the models' faces.
‘Lily, I can't believe you've done that! It must have taken ages.'
‘Well, I wanted to see if the dresses would suit me.' She leant over and flicked through a couple of pages and then she plonked a finger down on one with a long ruched bodice to the hips, with a skirt caught up with huge knots of fabric roses. It had a long train with more ruching and more roses – the love child of a flamenco costume and a meringue. 'That's my favourite.’
Sarah peered at it for a few seconds. 'Not a penny less than five grand, possibly more. What's your budget?’
Lily flicked her hand in irritation. 'Oh, typical you to spoil it all by talking about money!'
‘It does have to be talked about. But I expect Dad'll make a contribution. Have you told him yet? I'm sure he'll be really happy for you.'
‘I wanted you to be first and, anyway, I don't want Her putting her oar in.' Lily made a face. Unlike Sarah, she had never got on with their stepmother.
‘She won't! Kay has never interfered in our lives. Although they won't have much money to spare, not with the boys.’
Lily sighed with irritation.
‘It's all too easy to let a fortune slip through your fingers,' said Sarah. 'Let me show you some of the weddings I've done, to give you an idea of how much things can cost.’
Sarah went to her office to find her photograph album. This was the record she kept for her own purposes, of flowers, cars, venues etc. She placed it on Lily's crossed legs and put the kettle on again.
Lily turned over the pages. 'That dress! Gross. Oh, sweet bridesmaids. If Kay had had little girls instead of boys, I'd have them as flower girls or something.' Then she paused. 'Who's this? Bit gorgeous!’
Sarah went over to see whom Lily was referring to. 'Oh. That's Hugo,' she said as nonchalantly as she could. 'He's a photographer. He was setting up a shot elsewhere so I couldn't ask him to move.'
‘He's lush!' She peered more closely at the photo. 'And so like Bruce!’
Just hearing his name gave Sarah a small shock. 'Is he?' She joined her sister on the sofa and looked at the photo again. 'Oh. I see what you mean.' God, he was very like Bruce – the same charming smile and laid-back, easy manner. Was that why, although he was undoubtedly attractive, a part of her had instinctively always been so resistant to him? He definitely looked like the boy who'd broken her heart so many years before. And all the more reason to keep things strictly professional between them from now on, she told herself.
‘So, Lily,' she said now, trying to think how to change the subject without looking as if she was, 'show me your ring!’
Although it was a ploy, Sarah realised it was quite a useful one. The engagement ring would give her some clue as to the budget. If Dirk could afford to give Lily a socking great rock, he maybe could afford to give Lily the wedding of her dreams.
‘Oh, it's so sweet!' she enthused. It was a genuinely very pretty ring. Obviously antique, it was a small ruby with gold work round it to make it look like a scarlet pimpernel. But it didn't seem to Sarah to represent the small fortune that Lily probably wanted to spend on her wedding. 'I love it,' Sarah said. 'You've got such delicate fingers. Not many people could make a ring like that look so pretty.'
‘It is lovely, isn't it? Dirk just produced it from his pocket one morning while we were going for a cappuccino. It fitted perfectly.' She admired her hand for a few moments. 'Apparently he'd taken one of my junk jewellery rings and kept trying rings until he found one that was the same size.’
'Oh, that's so romantic. So much less conventional than selecting rings in a price bracket and getting you to choose.' Sarah was impressed that Dirk, who had struck her as slightly lacking in imagination, had managed to give her sister a ring that she really loved, in a romantic way.
Lily closed her scrapbook, put it back in her carrier bag and said, 'So, let's go to this fair. You don't mind driving, do you? It's in Swansea.’
Sarah was horrified. 'But that's miles! The other side of the Severn Bridge.'
‘It's why we need to get a shift on!’
'This is the sort of thing I'd have done with Mum, if she'd still been alive,' said Lily, painting her nails as they travelled down the motorway.
Sarah heard her sister's voice crack and felt sudden compassion. Their mother had been dead for over ten years and both girls still felt the loss. Of course a girl would expect her mother to help her with her wedding. But their mother would have been far more likely to accompany Lily to an agricultural show than a wedding fair.
‘Well, she might have,' acknowledged Sarah, 'but she wasn't really into girly things, was she? She was a practical, outdoors type.’
Lily giggled, which Sarah thought was a good sign. 'S'pose so. Do you remember that time we went camping? She was the only one who liked it.’
Sarah joined in with the giggling. 'And the family opposite who had the boys? They both fell madly in love with you.'
‘Yes, they did, didn't they.' Lily had always been so sure of her charms, even as a little girl.
‘No, I expect I'd have had to go with you to wedding fairs anyway,' said Sarah. 'If I got on better with Kay, I might have asked her.’
Sarah was getting fed up with Lily moaning about their stepmother. 'Come on, Lily, be fair, she's fine. She and Dad get on really well. You're always so hard on her. Anyway, she's got the boys to look after. She's really busy!’
Lily sighed. She hadn't really enjoyed having her place as the youngest member of the family usurped by a couple of rumbustious lads who were now five and seven. 'We just don't see eye to eye on artistic matters.’
Sarah snorted.
Lily blew on her nails and looked reproachfully at her sister. 'And are you going to tell me they have to be pageboys?’
Sarah nodded. 'Well, you have to ask them. If they, or Dad and Kay, really hate the idea, you're off the hook. Otherwise, you have to think of what you'd like them to wear.'
‘Reins!' said Lily defiantly.
‘Silly!'
‘Well, you know how naughty they are. By the way, did I tell you, we want to get married quite soon?'
‘That doesn't surprise me. You were never much good at deferring your pleasures.'
‘What does that mean?' asked Lily, pouting.
‘You know perfectly well. You always want everything immediately.'
‘Well, you can't say that about me this time.'
‘No? You were pretty insistent that we set off to this fair immediately!'
‘Well, I have got a reason to hurry..
‘Which is?'
‘I'm pregnant.’
Sarah's hands tightened on the steering wheel and she nearly swerved. 'Oh,' she said after a frantic second. 'That's very exciting.' It crossed her mind to wonder why Lily had announced her engagement before she told her she was pregnant, but her sister was always a bit of a mystery to her so she didn't waste time on it.
‘That's why we want to get married so quickly.'
‘But Lily, people don't worry about these things nowadays – there's no need to rush. You could get married after you've had the baby.' It was not ideal, but relatively common. She pictured the flowing gown that Lily might want the baby to wear to go nicely with her own dress. Maybe they could have the baby christened at the same time, and save money.
Lily was shaking her head worriedly. 'Dirk's parents will go mad. If they find out-'
‘Oh, for goodness' sake! It's the twenty-first century!’
‘Not in their land. They're very strict. They don't believe in sex before marriage.’
Without ever having met them, Sarah was already very fed up with these people. 'But they must know you were married before – if only for a very short time.'
‘We told them it was annulled.'
‘Oh, so getting your wedding annulled instead of being divorced somehow restores your anatomy to its original state?'
‘Oh well, they know I'm not a virgin in the actual sense..
‘Is there another way?'
‘They're just from a different planet! They didn't have sex before they were married and don't think anyone else should.'
‘But, sweetie, they'll find out you're pregnant sooner or later.'
‘Please, let it be later! I'll die of embarrassment having to tell them!’
Sarah chuckled. 'You mean, you have to admit to having sex?'
‘Yes! Nightmare!'
‘Why doesn't Dirk stand up to them? Tell them you're pregnant and you want to have the wedding at your leisure.’
There was a pause. 'But I don't want to. I want a proper white wedding, and so does Dirk.'
‘Lily, lots of vicars won't marry you in a church if you've been married before.'
‘It's all right,' said Lily quietly. 'Dirk's parents have already booked the church.'
‘What!' This really did shock Sarah. 'How come?'
‘The moment we told them they were on the phone. The vicar's an old friend of theirs, has known Dirk since he was tiny, and he's all right about me being divorced.'
‘That's good then! When is it?'
‘The eighteenth of August.'
‘Oh, quite soon.' She didn't currently have much going on in August but still… 'It gives us – what? – end of June, July – a couple of months. It's cutting it fine, love.'
‘I know, but I promise you, Dirk's mother must have suspected something because she was on that phone before you could say butter.' Sarah smiled. Lily's mixed metaphors were always funny.
‘I think you mean before you could put a knife through butter.’
Lily shrugged. It wasn't important.
‘And you will have to tell them. Otherwise they'll be writing to the tabloids about a three-month pregnancy ending in a ten-pound baby.'
‘We will tell them, but not until it's too late for them to make a fuss. As I said, I think she may have an inkling but can't bear to face the truth.’
Grateful that she didn't have to find a church and persuade the vicar to marry a divorced woman in the middle of the wedding season, Sarah tackled another tricky subject. 'I know you don't want to think about it, but before we get to the fair and get dazzled by all the options, we do need to think about the budget. How much can you afford to spend?' She asked the same question in two ways to force her sister to think about the answer.
‘Ah – that is rather a pain.’
After her sister's pause had gone on quite a long time, Sarah broke in. 'You mean you haven't got any money? But you still want a traditional white wedding with all the trimmings?'
‘Don't be cross!' pleaded her sister. 'I know it's stupid but I want to sweep down the aisle in a fabulous dress.’
Sarah reflected that when Lily had got married before, she and her intended had rushed off to Gretna Green. Lily had confided later that it wasn't at all romantic; in fact, it had been rather sordid, and the marriage had started to go wrong almost before the ceremony had been performed. Sarah had kept her thoughts to herself about Lily's first choice of husband and was glad she had. Lily had learnt her lesson the hard way and was entitled to a proper wedding now.
‘And it's not just that,' her sister went on.
‘What is it, Lily?' Sarah was good at being firm but fair -her job gave her a lot of practice and she had learnt her skills on her sister.
‘His parents gave Dirk quite a bit of money a while ago and they're assuming he's still got it and can spend it on the wedding.'
‘Well, that's totally unreasonable! He probably used it for a deposit on his flat or something.'
‘No he didn't. He used it to settle a massive credit-card bill that he ran up while he was a student. He's really sensible with money now. But he didn't tell his parents. But as he did tell them how he'd saved to get the deposit for his flat, they think he's still got the money.' Lily sighed and Sarah felt a stab of sympathy. 'When they asked about it, he didn't have an answer ready so they assumed – and he was too chicken to say it wasn't true – that he still had it. So' -Lily sighed again – 'we've got to have a big posh wedding on hardly any money when really we should be saving up for things for the baby.’
If Sarah had felt sympathetic before, she felt even more so now. 'Oh, poor you. That's awful, having to spend your money on wedding cake and personalised confetti when you really want a cot and a good pushchair.'
‘Personalised confetti? What are you talking about?'
‘I was only joking. It's fantastically expensive and rather naff, in my opinion, to have your picture on every little fake rose petal your friends throw at you.'
‘Is that really possible?'
‘Anything is possible if you're prepared to pay, but you're not. Your guests can buy their own, bio-degradable confetti,' she stated crisply, hoping to end that topic of conversation.
‘Yes,' said Lily meekly. 'What about the dress? I know we should be saving but now it's happening I want it all to be so special.'
‘I know, Lily, and it will be. But listen, the average amount people spend on their dress is just under a thousand pounds, while the ones you had in your scrapbook – as I said, five grand minimum.' There was a hiccup and Sarah guessed that Lily was deciding whether or not to cry. 'But there are all sorts of ways round that. You could go to a sample sale, for example, if there are any on at this time of year. Or hire one? Have a second-hand dress?’
'No! I don't want to go down the aisle in a dress someone else has worn before. It would be unlucky.'
‘Oh,' said Sarah. 'So does that put my other suggestion out of the question?'
‘What do you mean?'
‘That you wear Mum's dress? I've got it, in a box. You could have it altered to fit you, and update it.'
‘Mum's dress.’
Sarah couldn't quite tell from her voice how she'd reacted to this. 'Well, think about it. But don't worry, Lily, I can organise you a really cheap – I mean economical -wedding, as long as you're prepared to compromise.'
‘I am. I'll have to.'
‘Then it will all be fine. Now tell me about me becoming an aunt.'
‘Oh, the baby! Well, it's very small, Sarah. Hardly bigger than a tadpole.’
For a tadpole, it was creating an awful lot of fuss.