Is there a central defense against these masters of disguise? How can we avoid becoming trapped in his personal agenda? How can we avoid the sociopath beside us, or living near us, or only passing through? How can we disarm him? The answer is both simple and complex nearly past understanding. See him for what he is. That is our central defense. That is our main weapon to keep us out of his clutches, to avoid or disarm the sociopath’s agenda. It is essential you recognize the signs and symptoms of this personality disorder.
First and foremost, be aware of those around you. Question anything that appears to show a lack of conscience. When you worry about someone else’s actions, don’t hide that worry in a corner of your mind that never sees the light of reason. Never turn away. Examine each troublesome incident until it can be safely filed away in a folder labeled “dumb,” or “only a mistake,” or “inadvertent.” If it doesn’t fit in any of the safer categories, keep the incident in an open file that you visit every day. Keep it in the glaring light of active inspection until there is resolution. Again, never turn away from doubt. Never shrug your shoulders or turn your face away. Persist.
It is to the sociopath’s advantage to appear normal, to blend in with society. To this end, they become masters of disguise. They lead a double life. The public sees what the sociopath wants them to see. The life he loves is hidden from their view. The sociopath’s public persona has fewer boundaries than most of us. That’s a major clue. Their private self knows no boundaries at all. Look closely for a lack of conscience. If you say to yourself, “I could never have done that to someone else,” beware. Proceed with caution. If you find an overt disregard of morals, no guilt, no remorse, don’t proceed at all. But do not look away. Don’t rationalize. The results could be devastating. The end-game in the sociopath’s wicked game is often emotionally crippling. Sometimes people die. Don't turn and look the other way. Don’t pretend it isn’t there. You will spend the rest of your life punishing yourself if you do not take a stand.
Question any oddity. Look for reason and sense within the answers. If the response is illogical, chances are you’re listening to a lie. And know that just beneath the surface of that lie is the sociopath’s real agenda. You are coming closer to his ulterior motive. The closer you come to understanding truth, the safer you will be.
Sociopaths are selfish by nature. They seldom engage in any activity that doesn’t offer personal gain or recognition. Very often, in order to hide his selfish nature, he will engage in what seems selfless behavior. There’s often a red flag there, something that seems not quite right, a little out of the ordinary. As example, the predator who sexually abuses children will often hide behind a façade of loving children. Look closely at illogical behavior where your child or any child is involved: the coach who does too much, the counselor who wants to see your child in his home, the playground supervisor who cannot keep his hands away from the children in his charge. The great majority of these, the coaches and counselors and playground supervisors, are good people and operate with the highest motives. But frighteningly, the sexual predator has learned to mimic their good behavior. But the signs are most often there. When you see something that doesn’t seem quite right, it probably is not right. At minimum, each unusual action must be questioned. What appears to be a selfless gesture may turn out to be the snarling, clawed attack of the proverbial wolf in sheep’s clothing. Once more, our best defense is awareness and willingness to question.