Coming Awake, the darkened interior of the empty 747 was cavernous, echoing shadows, not sound. We three cockpit crew, along with the fifteen Indonesian flight attendants, are deadheading back to Jakarta from Jeddah, on this otherwise empty airplane. We had spread ourselves throughout the beast, and I staked out about ten rows of nine seats wide as my territory. I stretched out across an entire empty row of seats and fell fast asleep.
Now awake, thanks to my fifty-year-old bladder, I crept silently forward, looking for an empty lay. I was already abeam Charlie’s Cheshire smile before I noticed the girl’s head moving purposefully in his lap. Capt. Charlie, wearing his bright red Jodhpurs, was getting a chi-ching blow job, God bless him!
A few days later, Charlie confides that this is the first time in his twenty-five years of flying (after all the stories he’s heard of others’ experiences) that he’s gotten sex on an airplane. “She was great,” he exclaims in his distinctive, nasal style. “I didn’t do anything… she asked if she could lay down next to me and use my lap as a pillow, the next thing I know she’s got my pecker in her mouth… it was terrible!” he grins.
“Yeah,” I say, “I saw part of your act… you looked like the Mona Lisa with attitude.”
“Did you really?” all happy now that he’s got a witness to part of his good fortune. Charlie blurts out that she finished him off, had a handkerchief ready to delicately pat him dry and put him away. “But she didn’t need it,” he smirks, “she was so neat and thorough. Keshy, the best part was that she asked me for my room number in the Hilton, so she could come by the next day to do it again.” He answers my unasked question by saying, “Yeah, she shows up in a Mercedes, her husband must have a business, does me twice more, without wanting any return favors, and about 3P.M. she says ‘I have to leave, I have to be home to fix dinner for my husband’ …then she shows herself out of my room.”
“Perfect,” I say.
“Perfect,” Charlie agrees, “those perfect little Indonesian girls. They have such a wonderful and different view of sex.”
“Yeah, a different view… hey, Charlie, do you know the difference between a gynecologist and a proctologist?… point of view.”
Charlie grins in agreement. Thinking aloud, he does the sums, “…you know with the extended duty we got for that trip, I got to sleep-fordollars, a blow job, and $800 extra dollars for that leg.”
“Charlie, you just invented a new ‘chi-ching,’ ‘Live-head’ pay, instead of ‘dead-head’ pay.”
“Life is good,” Charlie agrees, using Jerry Lovell’s punchline.