On April 12, 1987, at 9:15 a.m. I had another accident. I couldn't fathom how or why I could have another accident at the same precise date and time, two years later. But, after smashing my head into a tree and breaking my back in a horseback accident I began flooding with more memories of the past and began having even more trouble functioning in my day to day world of responsibilities. I was forced to take more time out to rest and heal in my conscious life. I sought more chiropractic care and began deep healing with prayer, herbs, and increased body therapies. During this time of physical healing I also grew spiritually closer to God and gained the strength of perspective I would need to face further reality.
It took a couple of years but as my programmed systems began breaking down, causing memories of my past to begin flooding uncontrollably into my present awareness, I became increasingly more dysfunctional. I had trouble performing my daily duties as my past came crashing into my awareness, often with many memories flooding in at the same time. I had trouble dealing with my outer physical reality, because there was so much going on inside my head to distract me. Paying attention simultaneously to both inner and outer realities was a challenge, especially with my programming throwing up hypnotic commands to become confused, have a migraine, burn or kill myself, or redirect my thoughts in another direction my controllers dictated. After numerous memories of abuse by my father, mother, brothers and others, including ways in which I myself was used within the system to abuse others, I asked my therapist, Stuart Perlman, to call Department of Human Services (DHS) with me and report all of us. He did as I asked and I gave lengthy interviews to authorities, hoping someone would help me stop this abuse and insure that my children and the other children in the family would be safe.
As I became increasingly more dysfunctional, I was admitted to a mental hospital in Westwood for ten days and got another dose of reality. While in the mental hospital, a suited man entered my room at night while I was in my bed sleeping. He opened the door, came in, sat down on my bed, hypnotically commanded me, looked around to insure we were alone, then quickly put a tourniquet on my arm and injected me. Very quietly he said, "You are safe, you are very, very, safe. Nothing you are remembering is real; it's all just a bad nightmare. Close down section 34 and remember you are safe, very calm and very safe. You don't need to worry about anything anymore, everything's been handled." Adding another vial of the drug to the syringe, he injected it into my arm and began round two, "Stuart Perlman is your friend. He is your trusted friend helping you through these difficult times. He and he alone can help you, no one else can quite fill his shoes and every time you look at his shoes when he is sitting in front of you, you will remember this. Now you will sleep very deeply and when you wake you will not remember any of this or the sound of my voice, but now you will sleep very, very deeply. Your children are safe, you are safe and you will rest and sleep very deeply. Remember, you are very safe." When he was through, he took the needle out of my arm, put all of his paraphernalia into a black doctor's bag, and quietly slipped out of the darkened room. As usual, I viewed all of this from other personalities within, ones that were not asleep.
What these programmers need to know is that when a person has multiple personalities, especially personalities that have been programmed to have superb memory capabilities, those personalities can and do take note of everything that is occurring. If the presenting personality is drugged, there are still other personalities left inside, untouched by the drugs who 'take note' of what is happening. Due to this, myself and others have recovered volumes of experiences, as we healed and reintegrated, in order to be able to put together this larger picture to present to you. Their misuse of the technology failed. Sorry Henry, back to the drawing board. I guess you need a further distilled diagram, because, Henry, your security system was not locked up as tightly as you might have thought.
During my hospital stay, I brought up the issue of my children's abuse. To my utter disappointment, DHS failed to take seriously the allegations of abuse to the young members of our families. Further, as I was released from the hospital I leaned over the desk to see my medical chart, which read, "Delusional." No one took me seriously then. I hope you the reader will now.
My visits to UCLA Neuropsychiatric Institute (NPI) occurred more often after my 1985 and 1987 accidents, and the ensuing head and back injuries. I waited in a room lined with chairs and, when called, I robotically walked where they told me to and did everything just like they requested. If they said, "take off your blouse," I did. Anything they asked of me, I did. They put me into an examining room, and tested me neurologically, saying things like, "touch your nose, move your eyes up to the left," that sort of thing. Then they tested me walking, bending over, etc. I saw the white uniformed doctor refer to a list in a little notebook. He asked me questions to which I replied robotically. He asked me, "What is your name? Where do you live? Who is your husband?" All these were standard neurological examination procedures.
Then an older doctor came in and told me to follow him into a different room. Things got more technical then. There was a room full of large recorders, the reel-to-reel type with a chair positioned next to them. He sat me down next to the equipment and gave me long round bars of metal to hold in my hands. They were always testing different things. I didn't know what, but tried my best to do them "right." If I did it wrong they got angry and then I got hurt. The doctor hooked me up to headphones and told me to hold the metal bars real tightly, and I was instructed to go into a very deep trance state.
After certain word phrases, I was electroshocked. I never knew when it was coming and was told not to let go of the metal bars. When the phrases didn't apply to me, like for instance, "I'm an Eskimo" there were no shocks. But after a true statement that was applicable to me, I was shocked. Some things felt very personal and could have only been applied to me. Like, "I love my husband Craig." Or, "I am a good mother," or, "I am happy in my life; therapy is making me a better person." All kinds of statements like that were played through the headphones. Sometimes they shocked my feet instead of my hands or my head. Things varied often and so did the people administering the 'tests.
At other times a white van picked me up from the streets of Westwood, after a therapy session, and took me to UCLA. Sometimes they did stuff to me right inside the van. They had equipment inside and they said things to me and delivered electroshock. It happened often when I was in therapy with Stuart, in Westwood. The van would pull up to the curb and when the driver leaned toward the passenger window with his arm across the seatback and looked at me, I was programmed to come toward the van and step inside. The driver's uniforms varied, like a mail delivery or some bogus repair service, and the man accompanying him would do the work on me. Sometimes they would initially slap me around. I never knew what they were going to do, it was always different and I was caught off guard and couldn't protect myself. I couldn't ever think to protect myself, even if I knew it was coming. They caused all sorts of violence in order to keep me under control; they tied me up in a chair and put a gun to my head, or raped or tortured me in some other way. They put knives to my throat — anything they thought would scare me. At times there was a large mirror in the back of the van and they would stand me in front of it, tell me I was so and so, and give instructions to that part of me to do jobs or report things. There was a wide variety of electronic equipment in the back of the van. They injected my arm with some drug and then showed me clips from a video. One time they showed me a clip of a person unscrewing a big round cap that let water into the room that they told me I was in. I was told it was real and that I would be safe if I didn't remember the past. In this virtual reality session they told me that the water would come over my head and I would drown if I continued to remember. All this was done in the name of "national security." There was great personal confusion over being in charge of my body or its safety, as a result of all these tests. It was like my mind was removed from my body and acted separately, and it was very scary because I wasn't able to be there to protect or help my own body, or my children's.
When the men in the van were finished with me, they pulled. up next to my car, which was parked in Westwood. When I saw my car I was programmed to switch to Sue and not remember anything that had just happened, but the other personalities were given the hypnotic suggestion to remember to keep their instructions hidden and separate from Sue. The men told me to get inside of my car, sit there for awhile and drive home when I was ready. If I was running late they told me an excuse to deliver to my family when I got home. This happened more often and the trauma got more intense while I was in daily therapy with Stuart and Margie.
Another time at UCLA-NPI, I was sitting on a stainless steel table where they had been photographing my brain from a x-ray machine that stopped and shot pictures in four separate places as it scanned my head. The doctor said my brain was in a perfect state for some sort of link up. Next they laid me on a stretcher and tied my ankles and wrists to the bars on the side then they slid me naked into a long silver metal tube. They placed a small black mask over my eyes just before they shut the door. I thought maybe they were going to kill me but they said only parts of me died for others to be reborn. A continuous cycle of life and death for personalities kept things in order, preventing chaos from an overcrowded internal system. This was how my personality system was kept neat and clean, maintained for their use.
The scientists and doctors turned everything into a study. They merely turned a mind control slave system breakdown or "containment problem" into another project to further their research.
"You have heard that it was said, 'an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. But I say to you, do not resist one who is evil. But if any one strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also; and if any one would sue you and take your coat, let him have your cloak as well; and if any one forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to him who begs from you, and do not refuse him who would borrow from you.
"You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you?"