For making America change.
If a penny saved is a penny earned, then a penny made is a taxpayer played! Allow me to elaborate… actually, let’s let the United States Mint director’s cost analysis explain:
• Cost to mint a penny: 1.26 cents
• Cost to mint a nickel: 7.7 cents
• Cost to make a dollar coin: 16 cents
• Cost to make a dollar bill: 4.2 cents
In case you need it spelled out for you, it costs MORE to mint the penny and the nickel than the coins’ actual worth. And, if you forgot fourth-grade American history, your taxes pay for minting. Does this upset you? Well, now you finally have a good reason to smash that piggy bank!
That stupid annoying little penny… it and everything below the quarter needs to go away. Let’s start dissolving as many as we can in bottles of Coke. And besides, except for buying a hotdog at the ball game, who the hell uses cash anymore? The U.S. Mint says 33 percent of all transactions use cash. That seems a bit high. The mint must be including all of Washington’s untraceable private escort transactions in its statistics.
Anyway, if you haven’t already, start lobbying your congressman and the March of Dimes. And be sure to max out your credit as often as possible to deter coin usage. I am sure we will experience some resistance from the bleeding hearts and conservatives. But don’t worry—just tell them we can still use coins for circuit breakers and weddings, instead of throwing rice. Rice does kill birds, you know. And the next time you see Obama, tell him to fight for NO CHANGE!
A side note: Someone please tell the $1 bill to wipe that smirk off its face, because it only has a life expectancy of twenty-one months. So it can go away too. In fact, if it were replaced with the $1 coin, taxpayers would save over $500 million per year, since coins last at least thirty years!
I wonder how long it takes a dollar to dissolve in Coca-Cola.