For making sin so tasty.
Here’s the story: God was bored and needed some company. So he grabbed some clay and made Adam. God then created a garden for Adam to live in, called Eden. After that he created some cool animals for Adam to hang with. However, God felt a bit guilty because Adam had no one to mack on. So God decided to play matchmaker, grabbed a rib, and made Eve. Then he laid down the ground rules… The first rule of Eden: You do not eat from the Tree of Good and Evil. The second rule of Eden: You DO NOT eat from the Tree of Good and Evil! But they ate from it anyway. As a result, God kicked them out and cursed women to forever have horrible pain during childbirth.
Then God felt guilty again, so he created the epidural.
Why did the pesky apple have to be so enticing in the first place? Now all of humankind is a bunch of no-good sinners all because of some mouthwatering Golden Delicious. But let’s be realistic, it had some help…
Way to go, Eve. You listened to some stupid talking snake and took the first bite of the apple. And then you tempted Adam with it. So step up and take some blame, sister.
Way to go, Adam. It’s more your fault for being a dope. You ate the apple just for a cute piece of ass. WAKE UP, man! You had the perfect “desert island” scenario. She would have totally let you bone her no matter what! Nice going, loser.
Way to go, God. You put the tempting tree there to begin with. And why put limits on the couple? What are you, some kind of control freak? And why are we, to this day, still paying for someone else’s mistake? And if you really think about it, it’s your fault for not making us perfect in the first place!
So if [you] made it in this book—or even if you ruined it for just one person—you can still dodge the RIFE finger by pointing the blame back to the preeminently divine ruiner. Thank God!