For inventing daylight saving time.
Time—a good magazine and a great Pink Floyd song… But let’s get back to George Vernon Hudson and his role in daylight saving time. He first proposed the concept in 1895 in New Zealand. He felt having more daylight in the summer evenings would better our quality of life. But you can Google more about him in the fall since you won’t know what to do with that extra hour you’ll gain. You’ll find he’s the reason we have to reset our clocks and have more traffic accidents in the weeks after the time change.
There’s always so much fuss and flurry about this topic. Should we do it? Should we not? Are we saving energy or just causing headaches? And what about the poor farmers and school buses? I think it’s time for action!
Do we really need daylight anyway? Let’s just get rid of it altogether. I’ll bet Seattle and New York wouldn’t even notice the difference! We’ll just put up football stadium lights everywhere and control the day with a flip of the switch! It’ll be great! Then we wouldn’t be confined to this pesky twenty-four-hour day. We really need thirty-six-hour days anyway. Then we could work fourteen hours, spend much more time with our families, and get a couple extra hours of sleep every night! AND it would cut the ageing process in HALF! It’s genius! The only downside? Playtex will have to update to a thirty-hour bra.
Okay, here’s how we’ll do it—we need to fill up the atmosphere with smoke to eradicate the sunlight. If we legalized marijuana and started six more wildfires in California every year, that should do the trick. Then we’ll have AM, PM, and MM—the “MM,” of course, stands for “much more.” It’s gonna be great: No sunlight means less skin cancer, more time, and NO MORE spring-forward/ fall-backward bullshit. We’ll just let the little hand of our clocks have another go-round every day. Just think, your microwave will always read the correct time! Serenity now.