For future ski-helmet laws.
On the last day of 1997, Michael Kennedy died in a ski accident. Sonny Bono died on the slopes five days later. Both good skiers. Both hit trees. Now both dead. Even if they had been wearing helmets, neither would be alive today. Unfortunately, when famous people die, it attracts the press. Stories like these blow the danger of skiing out of proportion, and now some states are discussing unnecessary mandatory helmet laws. In fact, many resorts already have these rules enforced. Take note: There was no “crime scene investigation” for Michael’s or Sonny’s death. My malicious jumping tree theory still remains inconclusive.
Believe it or not, deadly skiing accidents are rare, with under forty per year in the U.S. Please note, more than three hundred Americans die each year falling in the bathtub. Currently, there are no available studies analyzing the difficulty of shampooing while wearing head protection.
In case you were born after 1980, Sonny Bono was a singer-songwriter most famous for performing with former wife Cher in their variety show. The high school dropout married four times before becoming the mayor of Palm Springs. He was kind of goofy but, for the most part, he was an okay guy. Unfortunately, he died while skiing without a helmet, so he made the RIFE list.
On the other hand we have Michael Kennedy. Thanks, Mikey. You died hitting a tree while playing ski football. What is ski football, you ask? It’s apparently a deadly skiing game you play when you want to avoid statutory rape charges from an alleged affair with the family’s underage babysitter.
The more recent tragedy that happened to the Thuringian minister-president and a forty-one-year-old woman only confuse matters more. The helmet-less woman died instantly during a collision with the heavily headed, helmet-wearing prime minister. Now we see that headgear can kill too.
Take note, usually people who die while skiing do it by going way too fast and hitting a tree. Here is an idea: If you want to avoid death, don’t do that! Slow the fuck down, and if you see a trunk—turn.