For causing unnecessary ER visits.
Okay, after extensive and exhaustive research (twenty minutes of searching on Google), the inventor of plastic packaging could not be uncovered. Apparently the creator is so ashamed of his creation, he has gone to great lengths to conceal his identity. Well, whoever you are, we still loathe you.
The fact is, plastic packaging sucks. I am referring to the vacuum-sealed clamshell kind. You know the type, the one that appears to be superglued around all the edges, making it nearly impossible to extract what’s inside.
This near-lethal packaging puts about six thousand Americans in the emergency room every year with sliced arteries and dangling fingers in critical need of stitches. With seasonal gift giving, a noticeable spike in emergency room visits occurs around Christmastime.
Prior to opening these packages, you should consider calling the fire department for assistance, because you need nothing less than the Jaws of Life to break into the casing. If you do it yourself, you may still be speed-dialing emergency services after you sever your finger with a utility knife.
Apparently this type of packaging reduces theft. Whoop-de-fuckin’-doo! Get some magnetic buzzers like everyone else. It is dangerous, consumers hate it, and the additional plastic is certainly not helping our environment.
And if anyone finds out who invented this shit, let me know.