For inventing sunless tanning lotion.
Soaking up the sun used to be great. You got a nice golden-brown skin tone and acquired more than a daily dose of vitamin D. Unfortunately, after many years of studies, we found out that excessive sun exposure is linked to skin cancer. So what do we do to compensate? We use sunblock to enjoy a carefree time under the sun. Unfortunately, instances of skin cancer are not declining. Recent studies are suggesting agents in sun protection lotion may be causing cancer as well. I know, I know—damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.
The Skin Cancer Foundation estimates that more than six hundred thousand new cases of skin cancer arise each year. Is there a way to avoid the sun and still be tan? One solution is to apply brown shoe polish liberally. The other is sunless tanning cream. However, beware of misuse, as you may be forced to join the comedy circuit with Carrot Top.
Coppertone invented sunless tanning lotion. The company’s scientists must have secretly added a chemical to its sunless ointment that causes color-blindness (similar to beer goggles). This must be why people think they look good after using it. TAKE OFF your shady spectacles. It’s not a Caribbean tan, you’re ORANGE! In case you were wondering, humans are NOT inherently pumpkin-colored. But if you still wish for a sunless tanned physique, and you aren’t expecting an Oscar win (yeah, we are talkin’ about you, Charlize), you can always give it a try.
Be realistic when it comes to skin cancer protection. Pretending you are a vampire is not the solution. Turning yourself into bunny food isn’t recommended either. Go play in the sun with some applied SPF and try to avoid using Crisco as a tanning accelerant. Just don’t go to extremes. Here’s a helpful mental chart to follow: If the sun gives you blisters, or if self-bronzer turns you into a Cheeto, then you’ve gone overboard. Use common sense: Too much of anything is bad.