For actually being a cheetah!
Prior to November 2009, if Tiger Woods stood on a roof and shouted down to fans, “I am a golden god,” nobody would have disputed it—not even Tiger. And why not? Woods has won fourteen major golf championships, is the youngest to achieve the career grand slam, and has held the No. 1 position longer than any other golfer. Oh, and he made more money than any other athlete in 2008—$110 million.
Believe it or not, Mr. Woods originally made it into this book “for not letting anyone else win”! It was a lighthearted story that crowned my (ex-)sports hero king of golf and applauded him for being an all-around swell guy. But NO—what we get instead is a strange car accident involving a tree, a fire hydrant, and a nine iron. And then WHOA Nelly—and Rachel… and Kalika… and Mindy… and Jamie… and another one named Jamiee… and Cori… and Holly… and Joslyn…
Who knows if they are all legit? And really, who cares about the number after the tally gets higher than you can count on a single golf glove?
That was the last straw for me. I no longer watch pro sports. I’ve switched to less scandalous professional entertainment—late night Cinemax.
Tiger made us realize that cute fuzzy gophers weren’t the only sneaky rodents roaming the golf course. But if you’re still a Tiger fan, don’t worry: If he’s anything like his furry friends, he’ll burrow his way out of his hole in no time singing the Caddyshack theme song. In fact, I’m sure by the time you are reading this, Tiger will be back at the top of his game and the forgetful public will be cheering for the cheater and buying sports drinks with his ten-timing face printed on the label.