For inventing Speedos.
Peter Travis was many things: a designer, sculptor, ceramist, kite-maker, and teacher. But the Australian is most famous for bringing millions of unwanted winces of disgust to the faces of people after seeing repulsive men wearing Speedos. This phenomenon is undeniably awful.
Don’t get me wrong—the Speedo does have its place. It is, after all, very functional swimwear. It has low resistance for swimming competitions, it doesn’t restrict movement while diving, and it can even lend itself to a bodybuilding competition (although that last point is highly debatable).
Ah, the beach… a tranquil environment of warmth, soft breezes, and the calming effects of water. Picture yourself in sunny Florida lying on a blanket, about to apply some tanning lotion. Suddenly, you see something troubling. And like a needle scratching across a record, a hairy old guy struts right before your eyes sporting a banana hammock. Apparently someone forgot to remind him that he is not in Europe. Quite frankly, there is nothing more revolting than this phenomenon.
Finally, we know the wanker responsible for Speedos. Let’s face it, Peter, the world could have done without this invention. It just makes everyone feel gross. Unfortunately, most of us were forced to wear Speedos while swimming in middle school gym class. Teachers told us we had to wear the uncomfortable trunks so everyone would look the same. But let me tell you, there is nothing “the same” about preteens when it comes to scrotal development. I blame Mr. Travis for the agonizingly embarrassing trauma of a late bloomer.
So take note: If you are a European man visiting American beaches or pools, we do not want to see your ass crack or your bulge, and we certainly DO NOT want to see your pubes. So stop it, and get some board shorts.