For a stupid diet.
The Atkins Diet plan is a low-carb, high-protein strategy for shedding unwanted pounds, made popular in the early 2000s. About thirty million Americans have tried the diet. If you haven’t heard of it, maybe you’re that kid in the news who can only eat six foods without dying?
Here’s the skinny: When you cut out carbohydrates, your body is forced to burn its fat stores. You burn more calories when your body burns fat as opposed to carbs. In turn, you lose weight faster.
Sounds too good to be true, right? Well, that’s because it is. Short-term effects may include bad breath, weakness, insomnia, nausea, and constipation. Potential long-term effects include heart disease, liver failure, kidney problems, osteoporosis, premature aging, and cataracts. Keep in mind, the inventor, Dr. Atkins, died at seventy-two. He had a history of heart attacks and congestive heart failure. Not to mention he weighed two hundred and fifty-eight pounds at the time of his death. In case you were wondering, toast won! Thank God this no-carb bullshit is over.
Dr. Atkins, we all really wanted to believe your diet worked. But deep down we all knew there had to be something wrong with a diet that labeled nutritious foods like fruit and whole grains the devil. After all, a slice of bacon can’t be healthier than an apple. Right? You ruined it for sure. Now we have to get back to the old way of thinking: “You are what you eat.” Oink oink.
Chew on this, America: Enough food is produced in the U.S. to supply thirty-eight hundred calories every day for every man, woman, and child. The average adult only needs two thousand to twenty-five hundred calories per day.
Do you want to lose weight? Then stop eating so much! Eat small, healthy meals, exercise regularly, and avoid piggin’ out. And then guess what? You WILL lose weight. If you don’t, then just get your stomach stapled.