For coaxing people to buy hair in a can.
Ronald M. Popeil is an American inventor and pitchman for many products sold solely on television. He is the founder of Ronco. If you have ever watched off-hour TV, he was the king of infomercials. He coined the phrases “But wait… There’s more!”, “Now how much would you pay?”, and “Set it and forget it!” Some of his inventions include the Chop-o-Matic, the Dial-O-Matic, the Veg-O-Matic, the Pocket Fisherman, the Showtime Rotisserie, and, of course, his reason for making the RIFE list, the GLH Hair System.
Embarrassed by that bald spot? Don’t worry, Ron Popeil’s hair in a can will fix you in a jiffy. Just match your hair color, give the can a shake, spray, and PRESTO, you will have the look of more hair instantly! You can, once again, have the confidence you deserve for only $9.95! But wait, there’s more. Call within then next fifteen minutes and we will double your order and also include a depleted sense of self-worth and the loss of most of your dignity.
Ron didn’t ruin it by being a pioneer in selling gimmicky products on TV—hell, he provided us with countless hours of late-night entertainment. Ron ruined it by tempting normal, rational (but apparently desperate) people to believe in sketchy products they see on TV. Even though common sense tells them it won’t work, they still think there’s a chance it might. History has proven time and again that it’s just too easy to believe in something you really want to be true. Thanks, Ron; not only did you destroy self-esteem, you also made people look stupid with dark beads of sweat running down their bald spots.
Other products and techniques for hair loss:
• Hair plugs. Okay, these sort of work, but in the end, you look like a freaky life-size doll.
• The comb-over. Come on, you’re not fooling anyone.
• Toupees. Only good if you feel like hatching some robin’s eggs.
• Pills and topical agents. They barely work and you need to take them for the rest of your life!
• Hair transplants. This is the only thing that works. They take hair from the back of your head and relocate it to the bald spot. It’s expensive and you might have to do it twice.