For causing the death of a princess.
Except for Twitter, who cares what Britney ate for breakfast? Not us. Nor do we care what Nicole puked up. And please, TMZ, only report Lindsay’s car accidents that the tabloids don’t cause. Here’s an eye-opener: I’ll bet you heard plenty on Paris’s trip to the slammer. But did you know Kiefer Sutherland served forty-eight days behind bars a couple years ago? If you did, give yourself a gold star. But for the rest of us, I guess he’s just too old, doesn’t have boobs, and hasn’t starred in enough leaked porn videos for us to care.
Saying the paparazzi have gone too far would be like saying Chris Brown only gave Rihanna a light love tap. And by this point, we’re bored with it. All of it. I know it’s hard to feel sorry for some celebs with all that money and fame and such. And you’d probably want to spit on them if you knew their real personalities anyway. But—you don’t. The only personality you know is what’s hyped in the tabloids. That’d be cool if the gossip were true. Because sleeping in an oxygen chamber sounds like fun to me (if for no other reason than to escape the paparazzi). And sure, if it was good enough for Walt, I also want to be cryogenically frozen when I die! And if Mikey died doing it, then I won’t eat Pop Rocks and drink soda either!
But what’s worse is that the paparazzi not only fabricate ridiculous rumors, but they also drive these poor celebrities off the edge. No wonder Britney shaved her head… I would’ve too! Which brings us to the reason for this entry: The paparazzi, in their endless quest for the next headliner, helped killed Princess Diana. Remember? Her car swerved head-on into a pillar inside a tunnel going 65 mph while being chased by the photographers. In 2008, a jury determined that the driver, Henri Paul, and the paparazzi were to blame. Guilty of gross negligent (princess) slaughter.
You destroy lives and you killed a princess. That’s wrong on so many levels. Just so you know, it’s impossible for a car chase to exist if there’s no one pursuing (just ask O.J.). Where are your scruples? Stop being a glorified peeping Tom and ease off. Get a life and try not to destroy one. Quit your day job. If you still want people to hate you, join Greenpeace. And if you still want to work for a non-reputable news source, send your résumé to Fox News.